Deal with the dickhead first
- auntygingermanagem
- Dec 2, 2025
- 5 min read
‘Deal with the dickhead first’ older drag queens would say to me, and it’s probably some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten as a performer. This blog explains why!
I blogged recently with my tips on becoming a drag queen, and I THANK YOU for all your kind words and such an amazing response. I’m so glad so many of you have found it helpful.
However, whilst some of my wisdom is found from my own experience, wisdom has also been passed to me over the years from queens who have come before me, and this blog shares a particular piece of wisdom I got from queens in the Cabaret circuit when I was booked for my first 1hr live show back in 2019.
Queens, If you’re reading this (there are so many I could mention) thank you again for your advice. I’ve not always got it right but I’ve always been grateful for it!
Now lots of queens used different words, but a consistent theme was ‘deal with the dickhead first’.
What does 'deal with the dickhead' even mean? Well if you had to explain it more politely you’d say this blog is about how to deal with poor audience etiquette as a performer.
Now, I first want to make sure one message isn’t lost, and that is that I very much believe we must respect and value our audiences… and also, we can’t just expect people on a night out to sit there in silence. In fact, we have to earn their respect. That said, it’s widely talked about in the media and amongst performers that audience etiquette is getting much, much worse.
But whilst it’s fabulous to be fierce, a careful balance must be struck, as being mean to people paying your bills isn’t good for business either. This is really about dealing with the problem as a skilled entertainer and getting back to your show so everyone can enjoy the night, including you - and if possible, the ‘dickhead’.
Why is audience etiquette getting worse?
Fuck if I know! Well, I have some theories. Maybe:
You’re not the reason that audience member came out? (Commonly the case in pubs and clubs)…
The audience member has been dragged (pun intended) to the gig.
The person has never been to a show and they don’t know the etiquette
They’ve had just a little too much to drink
Just maybe, but unlikely, they’re out to spoil your night…
Whatever their reason, you have to deal with it. Why? If you don’t, they will eat you alive! And not in a good way…
An audience can smell nerves, and in my experience if you let people disrupt your show you’ll lose their attention, and eventually the whole audience! Once you’ve lost it, you might be able to pull it back but it’s not guaranteed and it’s possibly bad for the show.
Also, if it’s one bad egg spoiling it for everyone else, it’s not fair on those who are trying to listen. You’ve spent hours getting ready and the one person spoiling it hasn’t, so don’t let ruin the night.
What do dickheads look like?
Or more politely, when has disruption gone too far? For me:
If you’re singing or talking and all you can hear is them (one person or a group) talking/singing over you, maybe they don’t realise and they’re being a dick by accident. This is easy to correct - I’ll get into the hows shortly.
If they’re openly disrespecting you by being loud/shouting, or worse, invading or entering the performance space.
If they’re heckling. Caution, they may be doing this to test you for sport, which can be fun… but if after you’ve dealt with it the first time and they keep heckling, then they’re trying to become the show and they definitely need sorting out!
HOW do you deal with dickheads?
Many of us do this in different ways, but through trial and certainly plenty of error, here are my thoughts…
Breathe. You’ve got this, take a second to work out what’s happening before deciding to respond.
Breathe again! Are they actually being a dick or are you just having a bad day? You don’t want every customer going home or to get a reputation for being horrid to customers. It’s a business at the end of the day, so breathe before you show your teeth. You might not need them.
Decide on the right response for the right sort of situation. For example:
A group talking amongst themselves. Find someone in the group, maybe the ring leader, and talk to them over the microphone. A simple ‘what’s your name, love? What does this group have in common/how do you know each other?’ Typical crowd work questions. They might start listening and it disarms the situation immediately. If it doesn’t they may need sorting out!
A heckler. I find it sometimes works well to repeat the heckle back to the crowd and get their reaction (gets the crowd on side if it’s mean), ask the heckler their name and see if they go quiet (they might not expect you to take it on). Both things give you thinking time to come up with a quick response. How do you write those? They come in time. If you’re really struggling to think of something, have a couple of ‘get outs’ - quick, memorised one liners or insults (if you think the audience are on your side and you have the charisma to deliver them!)
General rowdy behaviour. Firstly, stop what you’re doing and address it. Give a wink to security in case it doesn’t go your way, politely say to the person/group that they need to keep it down or stop what they are doing. Once they are listening, end on a joke before going back to what you were doing. It's a good way of breaking attention. If, however, it continues and you’ve given the adequate warning… bring on security. It’s a shame to stop anyone’s night out but they are there for a reason.
Wild behaviour like fighting, people throwing things on stage, storming the stage or something aggressive. Don’t engage! Get security on immediately. Don’t start again until they are removed. Have a break if necessary, and have a joke or two ready to break the ice afterwards!
Deal with it afterwards. Something I do occasionally is address the situation efficiently on stage and then have a chat with that audience member afterwards (particularly if I know them). Sometimes it’s worth reminding customers quietly that you’re just trying to do your job to the best of your ability, and of course they aren’t required to watch you and it’s impossible to be everyone’s cup of tea, so if they don’t like you, it’s OK for them to leave.
Get feedback. It’s important that the venue are on your side, and that their security are on your side, but sometimes we get it wrong… so if you’ve dealt with a particularly difficult situation whilst on stage, get feedback from your booker. Were they happy with how you dealt with it? Could you do anything different next time? Sometimes these conversations are invaluable, and the more of it you get the better you become at dealing with it.
Want more tips on how to deal with it? I can only share my experience but there is some science here. Take a look at other comics, particularly pure stand-ups. For example, Laura Lexx is a fantastic comedian I met at Edinburgh Fringe who is very well known for her crowd work and dealing with hecklers and breaking down how she does it. Look her up, there’s lots of useful stuff there. Jimmy Carr, of course, is well known for dealing with and encouraging hecklers, but might I suggest encouraging it is something you do when you have a lot more experience 😂
I’ve definitely learned some things the hard way, but over the years I’ve found I’ve enjoyed the odd heckle - but please don’t take this as an invitation to give me a hard time at my next gig!
I hope this helped.
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