Drinking's a Drag

Welcome back to my blog space. Here’s some more unfiltered thoughts on a subject I think isn’t talked about enough. Drinking in Drag…or more broadly the relationship between alcohol (which is what I mean by drinking in this context) and being a performer the nightlife industry. All my views are my own, and I’m only commenting on my experience!

In my opinion….

For many, Drinking is a source of great joy, a tool to unwind, socialise, and heighten the experience of a night out.

For ‘wet bars’ (venues that pay for their entertainment through what is spent behind the bar and not; ticket sales, upstairs accommodation or a food kitchen), alcohol is pretty essential as it has the highest margins and the best chance of making the night commercially viable. Which given the state of the nightlife economy is so important.

For performers, many will say that a few drinks improves their act, or gives them the confidence or to coin a phrase ‘Dutch courage’ to be bolder on stage. Audiences also get a kick out seeing a Drag act enjoy a drink on stage, and many of them love to buy drinks for their favourite acts as a gesture or token of their appreciation.

There is of course a negative, opposite end to this Likert scale of drinking, in that for some of us, drinking can be addictive, it can cause anxiety, health, financial and relationship problems. I would not consider myself to have a dependency on alcohol, but it is something I’ve had challenging moments with, so before I go on, if you are struggling with an alcohol addiction, here is a list of useful resources from the charity Mind Drug and alcohol addiction - useful contacts.

For me, I have never really enjoyed the taste of alcohol. I have however had many drunken nights out, some funny moments, and my fair share of hangovers over the years. For me, something I highly related to when was drinking, was a song by Lucy Spraggan called ‘Last Night’, a now sober artist who talked about ‘Beer fear’. That feeling has always been my experience of drinking…waking up the next day, worrying ‘what did I say?’, ‘did I upset anyone?’, ‘did I embarrass myself’. And after one show in particular from about 4 years ago, that I don’t properly remember (although I was apparently hilarious), I decided to quit drinking, almost completely (a picture from that night is below). For me, I’m not sure I was hilarious for the right reasons, I worry I was being laughed at, and that loss of control, although nothing bad happened, scared the shit out of me. As a result, and after some time discussing it with a therapist (which I have no shame in sharing at all) I decided to stop drinking almost completely.

It would be disingenuous to say that I’m T Total. I had my recent Divorce party where I drank a fair amount (which was definitely followed by Beer fear), and I have one or two blow outs in Berlin every now and again. But these nights are few and far between. When I do drink, I surround myself with close people that I love, and I make sure I do my best to stop drinking before I lose my ability to feel in control. Do I think I have the balance correct? No, but for me, although I will probably drink again, if I never did, I wouldn’t miss it.

What makes being sober / almost sober hard

In short, saying no! Not because I’m desperate for a drink. I’m not, but bringing it back to drag, we’re supposed to be fun, the source of atmosphere, the party, and SO many people, literally hundreds, have called me ‘boring’ for turning down a drink. And whilst I understand why they might feel that way, the result/ impact is it creates a social pressure to say Yes.

Ever heard someone say, ‘oh go on, just have ONE’. If I got paid £1 for the number of times I’ve heard that I could literally not go to work for a week and all my bills would be paid.

Now don’t get it twisted, I am VERY grateful people want to buy me drinks (they’re expensive!), and I love that people want to drink with Ginger. That means everything. But I'd prefer it was non-alcoholic, and when I order a Coca-Cola, please don’t say ‘really, is that it’. Because it adds to the pressure and the guilt.

The other issue, I think for the drinker, is that they’re worried you’re not going to be on the same level as the evening progresses. I know other queens worry about this too. Naming no names I’ve seen more than one drag act creatively pretend through various means they are more drunk on stage than they actually are. Which I don’t judge, it’s not my place to, and I understand why they do /have done it.

It is awkward being the only sober person in the room. There aren’t many solutions to this, I want people to enjoy a drink. It just might mean I go home at that point, and that’s totally fine with me, I enjoy a rest. That said, I would LOVE to see more sober events. Not just in the day, but at night too.

I think, coming back to the challenge of the economy, I do feel bad for the bars when I go sober, and I do want them to do well when I’m out. I will often find myself therefore saying to someone ‘buy one for the bar staff after their shift’, ‘buy me a soft drink to take home (I often do in my handbag have pre purchased cans of pop) or ‘buy one for the next queen’, who I know enjoys a drink.

I think finally for me, balance and communication is key. No is a complete sentence, but, if you are going to drink, communicate your limits, how long you plan to stay out, do what works for you, some for example make every other drink a glass of water, or they limit themselves to 3 drinks a night as they know their limits. This isn’t something I feel I’ve mastered, but there are people who are great at this. I think it matters to know we’re all different, and just because one of your friends can down 10 pints and be fine the next day doesn’t mean you can.

What’s next?

If there was a simple solution to this, it would have discovered long before I weighed in on the subject. But I hope that I’ve either spread some awareness or at least brought a subject up again that I think does need talking about more.

I also want to thank every venue owner, customer and colleague over the years who has respected when I have pushed back because they understand what it's like.

I think in summary: 

·        No is a complete sentence, and cutting out isn’t missing out (another saying I love that I read somewhere).

·        Please get help if you need help and talk to people if you’re struggling. So many people do.

·        We need to keep finding ways to support venues, because they need to thrive, or we will lose them.

·        I would love to see more sober events (I do want to add that I think there can be a joy to being sober. For me at least, I feel sharper on stage, less anxious and in more control of what I say and do. I know others have said the same to me over the years, so if you're an act and you ever want to chat to me about what it's like, please do reach out).

I thank you all for reading, and welcome any comments, discussion and feedback from people who are maybe going through the same issues.

All the love,

Aunty Ginger x